Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
