I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
