The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
