Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
