i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
