Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
