I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
please don't ironically join a cult
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