The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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