You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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