I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
