He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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