You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
