My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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