Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
