I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
