she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
