i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
