How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
