Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
