I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
