pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
