Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
