He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
