Just fell off a train. Bad.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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