We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
