I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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