i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
