Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My breasts were aching with rage.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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