I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
