why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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