I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am one with the molecules
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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