Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
