while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just pee around me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
