im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
