Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
