I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
