but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
