That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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