Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
