I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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