Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
