my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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