oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
