I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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