How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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