Umm I'm too high to move.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
