love makes seman taste better
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
