Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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