I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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