yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
