btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
