i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
