Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
