Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
